23 Brutal Truths I Learned at 23 That Most People Learn at 40

Most people spend decades making the same mistakes.

They follow the same scripts.

They fall for the same traps.

They wonder why nothing changes.

I've spent the last year obsessively collecting life lessons through painful mistakes, unexpected wins, and conversations with people much wiser than me.

These are the insights that transformed my thinking and saved me years of unnecessary struggle.

My hope? That you can skip the suffering part and jump straight to the wisdom.

Here are 23 lessons that most people don't figure out until midlife (if ever):

1. STOP TRYING TO EXTEND YOUR TIMELINE

The pressure to have everything figured out by 25 is suffocating an entire generation.

Your first job won't be your last. Your first business won't be your best. Your first relationship won't define you.

That person flexing their "perfect life" on Instagram at 21? Either they're lying, they got lucky, or they're about to hit a wall they never saw coming.

Life isn't a sprint to some arbitrary finish line. It's a marathon with unexpected detours that usually become the best parts of the journey.

I spent my early twenties panicking that I wasn't "on track" until I realized there is no track. Just possibilities.

2. THE BIGGER THE PROBLEM, THE BIGGER THE PAYCHECK

Want to know why some people make $12 an hour while others make $1,500?

It's not luck. It's not privilege (though that helps). It's the value of the problems they solve.

A Target employee solves retail problems: $12/hour. A lawyer solves legal problems: $450/hour. An entrepreneur solves wealthy people's problems: $1,500+/hour.

The question isn't "What job do I want?" but "What high-value problems can I learn to solve?"

I doubled my income when I stopped focusing on getting hired and started focusing on becoming the person who could solve expensive problems.

3. HAVE CONVERSATIONS WITH STRANGERS

Your brain is stuck in a thought loop built by your limited experiences.

Every stranger carries an entire universe of perspectives you've never considered. Every conversation with someone unlike you shatters another piece of your mental box.

I met a 75 year old at a coffee shop who completely changed how I think about career transitions. A random Uber driver gave me better relationship advice than my closest friends. A tourist from Denmark changed how I think about time management.

These conversations are the fastest way to expand your thinking beyond the invisible limitations you don't even realize are there.

4. REJECTION IS BETTER THAN FALSE ACCEPTANCE

Would you rather be rejected for who you are or accepted for who you're pretending to be?

I spent years adjusting my opinions, hiding my quirks, filtering my true thoughts – until I realized I was being accepted for a version of myself that didn't exist.

That acceptance felt hollow because it wasn't mine to claim.

When you show up authentically:

• Rejection stings less because it's not actually about you

• Acceptance feels incredible because it's genuinely meant for you

• You stop wasting energy on the exhausting performance of being someone else

True belonging only happens when you're brave enough to show up as yourself first.

5. THERE IS NO "PERFECT TIME"

Students wait for the perfect time to study. Entrepreneurs wait for the perfect time to launch. Writers wait for the perfect time to write. Lovers wait for the perfect time to commit.

They're all still waiting.

The perfect time is a myth that keeps capable people stuck in permanent preparation mode. If you wait until you feel 100% ready, you'll never start.

6. ESCAPE COMPETITION THROUGH AUTHENTICITY

This Naval Ravikant quote changed everything for me: "Escape competition through authenticity."

No one can compete with you when you're being genuinely you. Your specific combination of:

• Life experiences

• Perspectives

• Communication style

• Quirks and interests

• Ways of connecting ideas

This cocktail is your unfair advantage. When you fully express it, competition becomes irrelevant because you're playing a game only you can play.

I stopped trying to be a "better version" of successful people in my field and started leaning into my weird, specific approach.

Suddenly, I wasn't competing with anyone anymore… I was just doing my thing.

And paradoxically, that's when my work started resonating more deeply.

7. READ WHAT NO ONE ELSE READS

If you consume what everyone else consumes, you'll think what everyone else thinks.

After reading nearly 100 books, I've realized something:

90% of them are fluffy repackaging of the same ideas.

The real wisdom comes from going to the sources that influenced the influencers.

Instead of reading the latest trending business book, read Peter Drucker.

Instead of reading social media "thought leadership," read Seneca or Marcus Aurelius.

Instead of reading pop psychology, read Daniel Kahneman or Robert Cialdini.

I've stopped trying to read everything and instead focused on rereading the 10 books that contain the most powerful principles.

Depth beats breadth every time.

8. CREATE A HIGH INFORMATION DIET

Think of information like food. Most people consume the mental equivalent of fast food all day: clickbait articles, outrage-driven news, recycled social media takes.

Switch to a high-information diet:

• Instead of basic self-help, read The Alchemist

• Instead of get-rich-quick content, read Naval Ravikant's Almanack

• Instead of influence hacks, read Cialdini

• Instead of marketing tips, read Ogilvy on Advertising

• Instead of writing advice, read The Boron Letters

Go above the influencer gurus to find the people who influenced them. That's where the nutritional knowledge lives.

I've become ruthless about my information diet.

If it doesn't provide lasting value, I don't consume it – no matter how entertaining it might be.

9. NO ONE IS SAVING YOU

Not your parents. Not your partner. Not your friends. Not your boss. Not the government.

This realization is either terrifying or liberating, depending on how you look at it.

If you don't like your job, it's not your boss's job to create a better one for you. If you don't like your body, it's not your partner's job to drag you to the gym. If you don't like your finances, it's not your parents' job to bail you out.

I wasted years waiting for someone to discover my potential, to give me the right opportunity, to fix my problems.

The moment I realized no one was coming to save me was the moment I finally started saving myself.

10. MONEY IS INFINITE

Most people operate from a scarcity mindset about money – as if there's only so much success to go around.

"She got the promotion, so I can't." "He has a million followers, so there's less for me." "That business dominates the market, so I can't enter it."

This thinking is flawed. Money isn't a limited resource. It's simply a social construct designed for the exchange of value. It's as abundant as the air we breathe.

When I shifted from seeing money as a scarce resource to seeing it as an infinite energy exchange, I stopped feeling jealous of others success and started focusing on creating more value.

Ironically, that's when money started flowing more freely.

11. DRESS UP. GET FIT. APPEARANCES MATTER.

This might sound superficial, but it's deeper than you think.

Being fit and well-dressed isn't just about looking good.

It signals to others that you:

• Are disciplined

• Have self-respect

• Can delay gratification

• Are consistent

• Care about details

How you show up for yourself sets the standard for how others show up for you. How you treat yourself teaches others how to treat you.

I noticed a difference in how I was treated professionally when I started prioritizing my appearance- not because people are shallow, but because my external presentation reflected an internal shift in how I valued myself.

12. STAY CURIOUS

People who spent years mastering skills like coding are watching AI do their jobs.

Technical knowledge has a shorter half-life than ever before.

But curiosity never expires.

The most successful people I know aren't necessarily the smartest or most skilled. They're the most adaptable. They approach change with fascination rather than fear.

I've made it a habit to explore one new field every quarter, regardless of its immediate relevance to my work.

This cross-pollination of ideas has created unexpected opportunities I never would have found otherwise.

13. THE RIGHT CHOICE IS YOUR CHOICE

When facing a difficult decision, choose yourself.

Make the decision that feels most aligned with your current values and life stage. You'll never make the "wrong" decision if it's in integrity with your morals, ethics, and values at this moment in time.

I agonized over leaving a prestigious but soul-crushing career path. I was worried about disappointing others and making the "wrong" choice. When I finally made the decision based on what I truly wanted rather than what others expected, it was the first time a major life change felt completely right.

14. CHARACTER OVER REPUTATION

Worry about your character, not your reputation.

Your character is who you know you are; your reputation is who others think you are.

If you have strong character but exist in a toxic environment, your reputation will suffer regardless of your actions. If you have poor character but exist in an environment that rewards manipulation, your reputation might shine while your character rots.

The solution?

Focus on building your character and then consciously choose environments that reflect positive values back to you.

I've learned to evaluate my own choices based on whether they strengthen or weaken my character – regardless of how they might appear to others.

This internal system has proven far more reliable than chasing external validation.

15. MICRO ACTION PRINCIPLE

Can't do a full workout? Walk for 10 minutes. Can't read a full book? Read 10 pages. Can't meditate for an hour? Meditate for 10 seconds.

Forget trying to create massive momentum all at once. Focus on the micro actions you can take in the next 24 hours.

I built my entire writing practice this way – starting with just 50 words per day when I felt overwhelmed by the idea of writing "properly."

Those micro commitments eventually grew into consistent 1,000+ word sessions without the pressure that would have killed my motivation at the start.

16. PROTECT YOUR REPUTATION

If it's going to make you money but sabotage your long-term reputation, don't do it.

Short-term financial gains often come at the expense of long-term opportunities. Especially in your 20s, when you're building the foundation of your professional identity.

I've turned down lucrative opportunities that didn't align with my values or would have pigeonholed me in ways that limited my future options.

Each time, something better eventually came along that didn't require compromise.

Your appearance is temporary, but your intelligence and reputation are assets you'll leverage for decades.

17. NAIL THE BASICS: BRAIN HEALTH

If you're consistently unhappy, prioritize your brain health before diagnosing yourself with a mental health condition.

Our society is quick to pathologize normal human emotions while ignoring the basics of neurological well-being:

• Hydration

• Sleep

• Exercise

• Nutrition

• Dopamine regulation

• Screen time management

Boring fundamentals done consistently create far better mental health outcomes than searching for exotic solutions to basic problems.

I saw huge improvements in my anxiety and mood when I started treating my brain like the organ it is – something that needs physical care before psychological intervention.

18. REAL FRIENDS TELL YOU WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR

Your real friends will tell you when you're messing up. They'll tell you to stop drinking. They'll tell you when you're playing too small. They'll hurt your feelings with the truth rather than protect your feelings with lies.

I value the friends who call me out on my self-sabotaging behaviors infinitely more than those who just tell me what I want to hear.

The temporary discomfort of honest feedback is nothing compared to the cost of continuing down the wrong path.

19. BUILD YOURSELF, THEN ATTRACT

You will always attract people who reflect what you're projecting.

If you want high-value relationships, become a high-value person first. If you want someone ambitious, become ambitious. If you want someone healthy, become healthy.

The goal is to create the energetic and environmental conditions that naturally attract what you seek.

I completely transformed my dating life when I stopped focusing on finding the right person and started focusing on becoming the right person.

The quality of partners I attracted directly reflected the internal work I'd done.

20. YOUR FRIENDS WILL STOP SUPPORTING YOU

The brightest people get talked about the most.

And here's the truth:

The people who support you and the people who hope you fail are often the same people at different points in your journey.

Many friends will cheer for you until you start surpassing them. Your progress becomes a mirror that reflects their lack of momentum, which triggers their insecurity.

Meanwhile, people significantly ahead of you will almost never hate on your success – they remember what it was like to be where you are.

I've lost friends as my life evolved, not because I changed, but because my growth made them uncomfortable with their stagnation.

It hurt until I realized it wasn't personal. It was a natural filtering process that made room for relationships that could grow with me.

21. THE #1 SKILL TO MASTER: COMMUNICATION

The ability to clearly articulate your thoughts (both in writing and speaking) is the meta-skill that amplifies every other skill you possess.

It's easier to be perceived as intelligent through strong speaking skills than it is to overcome poor communication, no matter how brilliant your ideas.

I've seen this repeatedly:

The person who can explain complex ideas simply and persuasively advances faster than the technically superior person who can't communicate effectively.

Writing forces you to organize your thoughts with precision.

When you can write persuasively, your verbal communication naturally improves as well.

I practice this by writing daily, even when no one will read it, because it strengthens the neural pathways that organize my thinking.

22. NO ONE CARES (SPOTLIGHT EFFECT)

No one is thinking about you as much as you think they are.

We all walk around with an imaginary spotlight on us, believing everyone notices our flaws, judges our choices, and remembers our mistakes.

They don't. They're too busy worrying about their own imaginary spotlight.

This realization is so liberating. Take the risk. Wear the outfit. Share the idea. Post the video. The negative judgment you fear is largely projection.

I used to obsess over what my old classmates or random acquaintances might think about my choices with posting on social media.

When I finally realized they were all too consumed with their own lives to give mine more than passing thought, I found the freedom to make decisions based on what I truly wanted.

23. RAIN COMES BEFORE RAINBOWS

You can't have rainbows without rain. Life gets hard. We lose people. We fail. We get betrayed. We face setbacks.

The most valuable skill you can develop is emotional coregulation – the ability to:

1. Acknowledge difficult emotions

2. Give yourself space to feel them

3. Ask what you'd rather feel instead

4. Intentionally move toward that preferred state

My personal rituals for moving through difficult emotions include walking in nature, physical movement, music, connection with loved ones, and nutritious food.

When life gets stormy, I don't try to outrun the rain.

I acknowledge it while remembering that rainbows always follow.

PUTTING THESE LESSONS INTO PRACTICE

Knowledge without action is just entertainment. Here's how to actually implement these lessons:

1. Choose Your Focus Area: Pick the ONE lesson that resonates most deeply right now. Trying to apply all 23 simultaneously guarantees you'll apply none effectively.

2. Create a Micro-Implementation: What's a tiny, specific way you could apply this lesson in the next 24 hours? Make it so small it feels almost trivial.

3. Build Consistent Practice: Do that tiny implementation daily for two weeks before expanding or adding another lesson.

The goal isn't to overhaul your entire existence overnight. It's to gradually integrate these principles until they become your default operating system rather than ideas you have to consciously remember to apply.

To skipping unnecessary suffering,

Simi

P.S. If you found value in these lessons, please forward this to someone in their 20s who might benefit.